Legend has it the Haggleoffians’ founding father was either Sir Haggleoff or just Haggleoff—no one’s quite sure (history’s a bit fuzzy; Haggleoffians never were too good with history or geography). His only recorded portrait graces every bill, and Mav claims direct descent, especially when a defense contract’s on the line. Nepotism never goes out of style. FYI he’s still alive.

The bipartisan duo, with deep pockets and shallow speeches, thrive on flip-flopping platforms and self-serving executive orders. Stomp is known for loud promises (even ones he never made), while Bray deflects with folksy filibusters. Despite claimed ideological differences, both are united by one goal: redirecting public funds for personal gain.

Judge Lawffy dispenses justice with regal flair, but his verdicts tend to be income-sensitive. He’s known to grant bankruptcy settlements to friends, while others face his roar. His impartiality hinges on flattery and fortune. Lawffy is renowned for standing up to local politicians, especially when it comes to blocking government seizures through eminent domain.

Investor Finnley, venture capitalist and apex predator of Haggleoff, circles for his next buyout. At any hint of a payday, expect a feeding frenzy, not a negotiation. Dubbed “the Shark of Haggie Street,” he devours competitors and startups alike. For him, the boardroom is a formality—the ocean is his playground. Swim behind him—unless you’re on the menu.

Hoobert, the keen-eyed insurance adjuster, perches high to oversee every claim and deductible. Insurance fraud is a matter of perspective; with Hoobert, settlements are guaranteed—if you can afford the deductible. The real hoot is whether you turn a profit or loss by filing a claim; it all depends on how clever you are in dealing with him.

Droolski is an honest cop most days. But when Vinnie Two-Paws tosses him a bone, Droolski is known to take a treat or two—after all, he figures it’s just lobbying. His knack for blurring the line between fetch and favors has people wondering why he hasn’t run for office yet. Still, when the siren calls and duty demands, Droolski’s loyalty is hard to question—unless there’s a treat involved.

Before Haggleoff had Regulators, it had “Vinnie Two-Paws”—nicknamed after a botched heist with two bags and two prints. He’s known for treating banks like vending machines and isn’t above throwing a bone to local law enforcement. If the bank feels a breeze, he’s probably already made a withdrawal. And despite it all, Vinnie always pays his taxes.

As a fair market realtor, Twiggles leaves buyers in a frenzy and sellers scrambling. Partnering with Stomp and Bray, he’s notorious for price-setting schemes that send property values sky-high, fueling real estate bubbles and aiding seizures through eminent domain. Even the cheapest property can spark a scandal—at least until the bubble bursts.